From My Brain to Your Eyes: Top 10 Sports Moments of 2012

I love lists.

There is no better season for list-lovers than the end of the year and the 'best of' everything. Songs, films, local chefs, political sex scandals, previously undiscovered facial expressions of Claire Danes. And, of course, sports.

What fun! Let's play.

This isn't an overall best sports stories of the year, but more of a collection of memorable moments -- and all off the top of my head, which I guess is as good a way as any to assess the memorability of a moment.

In no particular order:

THE REPLACEMENTS

Well, that happened. It still hurts my feelings and makes me curse.


LeBRON VICTORY-DANCING ALL OVER THE WORLD

He had a big year. And that big LeBron grin is irresistible to me. It's like the happiest place on earth is in Lebron's mouth.  [more LeBron victory-dancing]


CHUCK PAGANO'S LOCKER ROOM SPEECH



I'm dancing at two more weddings, and we're hoisting that trophy together. That doesn't read like a stunningly powerful line, but it certainly is delivered as one. 


GABBY DOUGLAS

There were many, many great Olympic moments -- Ryan Lochte talking about pissing in the pool notwithstanding -- but watching little Gabby Douglas dig deep and just kill it is my favorite.


PERFECTION

Six no-no's this season, three of them perfect games. Not exactly one 'moment', but a general feeling is evoked when I think of this. This feeling: good god, that is amazing.


THE BUTT FUMBLE

I mean.


SHHHH....



Okay, so this is a slightly different version of this moment than the one you saw on ESPN. This is the the 'how it went in my head' version.


JOSH HAMILTON's FOUR BOMB NIGHT IN BALTIMORE

So memorable I even wrote a short-short story about it. Sort of.


CHRIS KLUWE TAKES A STAND

And introduces the world to the excellently phrased and awesomely memorable, lustful cockmonster.


MAUER GETS BOOED AT TARGET FIELD, I LOSE MY DAMN MIND

Muffinbutt bounced back and had a great 2012 season, thank god. Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to handle another rough year -- not in disappointment with Mauer, but with the haters.

So, there we have it.

Sorry, I don't know anything about hockey or golf or much about the NBA not having to do with LeBron James' mouth.

Merry Christmas and HAPPY NEW YEAR, buddies. Ciao.
-christine
     

Hey, It's the World Series

You guys, have I ever told you how much I love Justin Verlander?


I. 
LOVE. 
JUSTIN. 
VERLANDER.

That's all I really have to say right now. I just wanted to make sure you knew.

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

GO, TIGERS!
   

I'LL ..... BEEEEE ..... GOOOOOOOOONE.....

I wonder how many baseball fans had this same morning I did?

I got up a full hour earlier than planned because I soundly lost today's battle of GET UP vs. NO I DON'T WANT TO with my cat, checked Twitter while peeing, and said WAIT, WHAT?! 

The Nationals lost? 

What a colossal bummer. 

[Obviously, this is not a bummer of any size for Cards fans and, really, good for them (those Cards are seriously tough, especially in do or die playoff situations -- remember last year?), but it's too bad for the rest of us.]

I've just loved those plucky Nats this year, with their big-eared rookies and awesome bullpen.

And I -- we, baseball fans, America! -- will so miss not getting this in the NLCS:

click for a redirect. then click again. 

O well. And, the Orioles are out. So, I guess, GO TIGERS.

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

  

I KNEW IT !!

I'M SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, I KNEW ICHIRO WAS A NINJA.


Watch this:



I never actually told anyone I knew it, so I can't say I told you so.

But, I totally knew this.

Ichiro is a breakdancing ninja.

I hope to see other players try this now. Like Dustin Pedroia. Or Prince Fielder.


Ciao, buddies.
-christine

p.s., For you, when only a .gif will do:

 

A Partially Really Bad Prediction

Remember when I made a really bold prediction of a massive meltdown coming from either Miami or Detroit this year?

Well, things haven't gone well for the fishies, so I wasn't totally off there. But o my goodness was I wrong about Miguel Cabrera. 

The man, the machine, is one day away from winning a triple crown. (Should I capitalize Triple Crown? I should probably totally capitalize TRIPLE CROWN.)

It would be the first since 1967. That is amazing. 

Really sit and think about it...

We all know that no-nos and perfect games are big deal, but think of how many of those we've seen just the last couple of years alone. 

Aside from those stupid stats that only computer programs or Abed Nadir can come up with, (you know the ones, like... a lefty hasn't hit a grandslam off of a right-handed pitcher on an 92 degree day in September since 1971...) something happening in major league baseball that has not since 1967 is truly remarkable. 

So, best of luck to you, Miggy. I've never been a big fan of... well, you (even though I really like your friend Justin Verlander), but seeing a TRIPLE CROWN sounds pretty swell. Do it to it. 

Ciao, buddies.

-christine

Wake Up, Kids, We're Here

And just like that, my stretch of general boredom with baseball has all but waned. There is some exciting stuff happening as the playoff races narrow, even here in the AL central (GO DETROIT). Actually, really here in the AL central as the Yankees come to town, neck and neck in the AL east with Baltimore, and neck and neck with Texas in the wild card race.

COME ON, Twins, do your part as spoiler. Do it for Baltimore. Do it for Jim Thome. Do it for Cal Ripken Jr. and his baby blues. Do it for Torrey Smith and his brother. Do it for Bodie and Poot. I'm serious.

Do you know other thing that happens this time of year that revives my baseball heart?

It's Major League season.

Really, check your local listings, I bet it's on sometime soon or even right now. Have I ever told you how much I love Major League?  I LOVE MAJOR LEAGUE.

Especially you, Wild Thing Rick Vaughn with your furious power and dubious vision. And, you, Jake Taylor and your creative problem solving and nervy, dare I say ballsy, grit. O no, I haven't forgotten you, Peee-dro Cerrano, and your mystical Jobu and your rum and your big, beautiful... bat. And its hat.

You know what else I love? These lines:

"Look at this fucking guy."

"Well you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit"

"I look like a banker on this."

"Just a bit outside" and "He tried the outside corner and missed" and "Ball 8!"

"How's your wife and my kid?"

"Up your butt, Jobu."

"I guess there's only one thing to do... win the whole fucking thing."

"And the Indians win it, the Indians win it, oh my god, the Indians win it!"

and, my favorite, performed by my cat, Doug:

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

 

Still Winding Around the Back Roads (Off the Beaten Path)

So, Chris Pratt was in Moneyball. That's the only way I can think to make this post even slightly sports-related. I just really wanted to share this video with you. Because I love you.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

P.S., I'm just assuming you all are Parks & Rec fans because everyone should be. (It's all on Netflix. Just sayin'.)

P.P.S., It just dawned on me that perhaps you haven't seen the previous seasons blooper reels. I am happy to help you with that. The best thing about these gag reels is how you can see just how much ad-libbing goes on -- these guys are brilliant. Enjoy.

An Oldie but a Damn Goody

Remember this? (Remember Phil Dumatrait?)

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

p.s., Did you guys know it's still baseball season?

We're Still Off the Beaten Path for a Bit

This is Terry Crews. You might know him as a former NFL player or you might know him from the BET reality show The Family Crews or you might know him for playing the role of a serious bodyguard with a heart of gold and a surprising knowledge of poetry/art/smart thing in The Newsroom and a hundred other things.

This is Terry Crews playing you music with his muscles.

Ciao, buddies. -christine

Who Needs to Stop and Pee?

Confession: This is the point of the baseball season when I get a little bored. It happens every year, not just seasons like this one. And last one. Mid to late August until mid-September when the playoff races start tightening just kind of drag.

It's like we're at hour 15 of a 19 hour road trip and we're exhausted and a little strung out, the Twizzlers are gone and we really just want to see the ocean.

So, consider the next few posts like an off-the-beaten-path side trek -- we'll stay sports related, but wander a bit.

Here is a video that is beautifully insane and very not boring:



Ciao, buddies.
-christine

p.s., click the video to full screen and turn on your speakers. Do it.

Rajai Davis Has Some Mad Hops, Yo.

This catch is ridiculous.  The jump + climb the wall part is insane, but that stutter step to nail the timing just pops my top off.

Wait... pops my lid. Pops my lid off?

Whatever. This catch is ridiculous.

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

Just a Quick Question

Read this and then tell me...

is it weird that I find the imagery of Morneau and Muffinbutt cutting fresh produce together kind of totally hot?

Bro, I picked up this organic kale at the co-op before bp today.  You'll die for it.  I'm serious, you'll just die.

I thought so.

Thanks, buddies.
-cr.

The Art of Writing. Er... Blogging

Yeah, I know.  I'm sorry.

I think I'm having some kind of strange blog fatigue thing and it's all my fault. It has to do with social media + sports punditry overload, as well as a crazy-business + a general exhaustion of being a Twins fan these days... but I'm not blaming anyone but myself.

Lately, every time I've sat myself down to write something I've had this feeling that it's all been said, tweeted, posted, sound-bite(ed) to death already.

I seem to have forgotten how this blog thing works and, actually, how writing works, which is like this : that I have my own, unique perspective because I am me, not you, not Phil Mackey, not La Velle E. Neal, not TwitterFace33. And what I write because it occurs to me (thank you William Stafford) might just be something you've never heard before or that makes you think or that makes you mad or that moves you.

So, I'm considering this post as a writing exercise of sorts, a reset to remember what it is I do here.

So there.


OK, here we go!
Here are five random thoughts on the Twins right now:

• I'm really surprised that base-running genius, all around little cutie-pie, Mastroianni's first name is Darin. Really? Darin?

• I still call Justin Morneau "Porno." When he first came up we all called him 'more-NO' (remember?), which I remembered by thinking 'like bordeaux.' Then he corrected us and we were all embarrassed and my new trick became 'like porno.'  I guess it stuck.

• It turns out I have no opinion on the Liriano trade. I just don't really care (who knew?).

• It would be awesome if the Twins had a dugout cat. Maybe a grouchy looking persian named TK who just paces and looks disappointed for no reason. 

• It will be incredibly sad when Denard Span is no longer a Twin, which I'm guessing will happen in the offseason. What a great player; what a great guy. 

Thanks, buddies. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts (especially on dugout cat).
-christine

Bad Apples: How the Number 23 is Ruined for Me Forever

I don't know about you, but I cringed a little when I heard Mauer would be the lonely Twins cowboy saddling up for Kansas City next week. And not because I don't think he deserves to be there -- not for a  hot second.  No, I cringed because, before I could even finish reading the tweet, I could already hear the haters getting their hate on. 

And hate on they did. It was predictable and silly, and also nicely handled in this Twins Daily piece that I totally agree with and will let (along with all kinds of other more recent articles, finally!) provide all of the statistical analysis needed to prove the very no shit! point that hating on Mauer this season is so ridic ridiculous that I'm totes going to use the whole word.

But I still find myself with something to say. 

All of this Mauer hating this season has been just mind-boggling to me. And very sad. I'm embarrassed -- not so much about the tweets or the derivative, simplistic local columns that shaped the narrative in 2011 (sports guy writes it, blogger tweets it, 10 more retweet that and the next thing you know "everyone thinks it" and then somehow everyone thinks it. and so on.) that has somehow carried over to 2012 -- because that is just sort of how it goes these days. It's the Twins fans booing him at Target Field that I just cannot abide. 

Damn, really? That guy with the backwards hat and the popped collars is booing me? He's wearing loafers. Loafers!

First of all ... why? 

If you think Mauer is the problem this season, so much that you need to actually boo your own guy at home, you are just awful at being a baseball fan and you should probably either try to pay closer attention or maybe this just isn't the sport for you.


Second of all ... why? 

When did we start doing this, anyway? When did we turn into dick fans like this? Our own hometown boy, four time all-star, three time batting champion, AL MVP catcher has one bad season and we just turn on him? It's hard to even believe. It really is. I've always been proud to be a Twins fan; I've brought other people to the game on a promise that Twins fans are great, loyal, smart fans. (And I do know it's getting better and that, for the most part, we are still great, loyal and smart fans... it's that whole a few bad apples ruining the bushel thing happening here. I just think these apples really suck.)

Everything comes back to that damn 23 million. I've mentioned before that I am not a fan of conversations about players' salaries -- all of this shit is precisely why. I wish all of the numbers just stayed in the front office. 

It creeps me out to hear people sit around and discuss a person's worth -- like we, as spectators, can somehow determine that. Every move Mauer makes, on and off the field, is held up against this number in a game where those numbers are all so overblown and insane that focusing on any one, or twenty three, of them only leads to these small, jealous apples who you think that they can actually say, half a season into the second year of a guy's 8 year contract, if he is "worth it." Gross.

So, yeah, enough of that. I know I'll be cheering on Mauer with all my might next Tuesday. He might be our only guy, but he's our guy. So there.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine
     

The Question on Everyone's Lips Is: What is the Deal With all These No Nos? Here Is an Excellent Take on That, by Jayson Stark

FULL  STORY

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

BSG does Bryce Harper

Perfection.


 
What, no mention of Harper's own name + bible verse tattoo on his torso in terrible Ed Hardy font? Missed opportunity, BSG.             

Did you know my power comes from my ears?

Watching young Bryce Harper and Steven Strasberg go at it the way they have been for the Nationals has been a highlight of the season so far for me. The Nationals (and the previously mentioned Orioles) in general have been a blast to follow in 2012. If you aren't checking in on these hot young teams a bit, you should.

So, yes, Bryce Harper is an insanely talented kid -- all muscle and passion and hustle and ego. He's a jolt of raw energy that doesn't come along all that often in Major League Baseball that I think is kind of fun as long as it is backed. Up. And so far, so very, very good.


Ciao, buddies!
-christine

I love this.

more funny charts like this, including 'people who are still watching Twins games' ...

All three of these pie parts are funny and true, but that white space one is especially hilarious to me as I am embarrassingly guilty of this.  In fact, last week I met a lady from Baltimore and the conversation went like this:

     CR: Where are you from?

     Lady: Baltimore.

     CR: Stringer Bell.

     Lady: Yeah.

Yep, I did. I just blurted out Stringer Bell. And she just said yeah, like either that happens all the time or she thought I had tourettes. Either way,  GO, ORIOLES, GO ! 

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

p.s., Did you see Drew Butera pitch on Sunday?  For someone who hasn't pitched since high school, that was not half bad.

The Good, The Not Quite There Yet, and The Bad, Take 2

I know. I've been a bad blogger lately-- no new posts in nearly a month. But, to be fair, it's been a really busy month. For me, I mean. For the Twins it's mostly just been more of the same. So, I'll skip the recapping and instead do a quick (sorry, still really busy over herrre) version of feature: the good, the not quite there yet, and the ugly.

THE GOOD

The Twins are making moves. Valencia is down, Liriano is in the bullpen, Clete Thomas is already gone, some other guys I've never really heard of are doing things. I think the roster shake ups are good for the Twins right now. Hey, at least we're trying something-- and a couple of the moves are looking good so far. I'm talking to you Scott Diamond and Brian Dozier.

Other good:

Matt Capps is acting like a real MLB closer.

Jamey Carroll's glorious trucker 'stache he rocked for awhile. (Bring that shit back, Jamey with a y. It makes your face look much less young Dafoe-ish.)

MY, NACHO, BALLS.

THE NOT QUITE THERE YET

The Valenti's mega stuffed meatball = one of the most popular new culinary kids on the block at Target Field. SIG Baseball mom and I split one and we liked it. But just liked it.

The meat has some nice flavors and the sauce is tangy, but the mozz it is "stuffed" with is mostly nonexistent and flavorless. I'd rather see it stuffed with ricotta or not stuffed at all. It was also a little dry and could use some fresh herbs in a bad way.
I think I'd rather have it as a hoagie with melted cheese on top.  Yes, I would definitely rather have that hoagie style.

Also, come on -- a big Italian meatball? That's pretty uninspired if you ask me. And you should ask me; I am seriously into meatballs. Buffalo chicken balls, nacho balls, goat balls stuffed with olives stuffed with ginger, sweet balls, butter balls, turkey and dressing balls in cranberry mushroom sauce, brat balls... this kind of thing is the future the now of meatballs.

Work on your balls, guys.

THE UGLY

Dear Trevor,

You cannot face King Felix, or anyone else for that matter, with a curly Tom Brady bob and expect him, or anyone else for that matter, to take you seriously as a person.

Thank you.

p.s., There also might be a few little issues with your offense. And your defense. Oh, yeah, and your hair.

 
BREAKING NEWS: Plouffe cut off his curls for Locks of Love, tweeting:

"Donating in honor of my mother, Diane," Plouffe (@TPlouffe24) tweeted. "She's a Breast cancer survivor who lost her hair during the chemo. Love her!"

So. I'm a dick. 

Now I'm not even in the mood to say other mean things about Plouffe or tell you how the awesome Larry Sutin called him "The Plouffinator" and I laughed for a week. Well played, Plouffe. 

Well, woopsie, I guess this post isn't so short after all. Who knew I had so to say about meatballs (besides anyone who has ever met me).

Ciao, buddies!

-cr.

p.s., This is so insanely, adorably baseball-nerdy I can hardly stand it. And, honestly, if I didn't believe that Rivera will indeed come back next season, it would probably make me weep.

Happy Birthday, Joe Mauer

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

New Player Profile: Josh Willingham

aka: 'Hammer'

(Or is it THE Hammer? I really am asking-- anyone know? And, yes, it matters.)

He automatically scores points for an great nickname. I hope to chant HAM-MER! HAM-MER! HAM-MER! at some point this season.

He also might have an awesome walk up song, 'Your Love' by the Outfield (you know the one: I just want to use your love tonight/I don't want to lose your love tonight). If he uses it because it's by The Outfield and he plays in the outfield -- not awesome. If he just thinks the song (from 1986) is rad and it fires him up -- yes awesome.  So let's meet him:

Where did he come from?

Alabama. Drafted by the Marlins in 2004, as a middle infielder. Made the move to left soon after. Some injury issues. Traded to Nationals in 2008; in 2009, hit two grand slams in one game, back to back innings. Traded to the A's in 2010. The Twins have him signed for 3 years.

Nutshell: He is essentially the replacement for Cuddyer; similar by the numbers, batting order, paycheck. He is strong and has more power than Cuddy. Similar speed. Less of an arm. But, seriously, he is strong.

How is he doing so far as a Twin?

He is ripping. shit. up. He was just named the AL Player of the Week. Right now, he is #2 on the MLB leader board for batting average, tied with Josh Hamilton atop the AL leader board for homeruns, and now he has just done something that has previously seemed impossible (besides actually hitting home runs in Target Field) -- check out tonight's lineup v. Yankees:

1. Denard Span, CF
2. Jamey Carroll, SS
3. Joe Mauer, DH
4. Josh Willingham, LF
5. Justin Morneau, 1B
6. Ryan Doumit, C
7. Danny Valencia, 3B
8. Clete Thomas, RF
9. Alexi Casilla, 2B

You see what I'm seeing? Pretty wild.

He has been a beast, indeed -- offensively.

I think he looks like a goofball in left field, but he's killing it so at the plate that we can maybe agree to let that slide, at least for this first bit.

A quick digression: I say maybe because I'm not actually willing to let it slide -- I'll never fully get behind a player that is only good--even if he is really good--on one side, offense or defense. Unless he is, of course, the DH who gets a defensive pass by definition, or the backup catcher, who gets an offensive pass from me as well. If a backup catcher can come in and call a good game and play solid defense, that is a job well enough done for me. If they happen to be able to hit, that is great. (Whatever crazy ass thing Gardy is trying to pull off with our backup catcher Doumit playing in the revolving right field and not on reserve as the very important job of backup catcher is beyond me-- I'm not a fan.)

Digressing further: This is the heart of my famous, uh... impatience with ol' Nick Punto (remember him?) Defensively he was great, I know. But the shit he pulled at the plate with the consistently .180 batting average, the popped up bunts, the fall-down-swing-through strikeouts -- and then the sliding into first, the running through stop signs and the all around base-running tragedies... all of this, I could not abide. I'm not meaning to just pick on Punto, rather speak to my point about much I value an all-around game. It's big one for me. But, tons of Twins fans still loved the guy. So there.

OK, back on topic and on to the most important question of them all: where does Hammer rank on the So It Goes Baseball Hottie Meter?

He's cute. A little too corn-fed, country boy pure for my taste, but he is quite cute and certainly will find his audience. I don't think he'll replace Dimples on the hottie meter as well as in the lineup, but I will say, he moves UP the meter fast when he's he's fired up and a little tousled.

rawr.

Josh Willingham, everybody.

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

p.s., I know, it's an ugly start, again. And, we keep up this rough schedule for most of April. It is still early -- let's not forget that -- but, yeah, this is painful. It got a little uglier yesterday seeing Perkins blow it like that. Yikes. But... there are a few things to be excited about, and Willingham is one of them.

p.s.s., Vinny Malone, if I haven't already told you this, Hammer is your Twins boyfriend. It is done.

That Was a Nice Win Today, and Three Other Things

1. In today's edition of YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT:

How to respond to boo birds


2. Check out THE HAMMER on the MLB leader board:

And how much do you love the nickname THE HAMMER ??

3. Jeff Gray has thrown 3 pitches over the last 2 Twins wins and is 2-0. So there.


Ciao, buddies!
-cr.

p.s., I'm feeling really CAPPS LOCKY today. Sorry.

So It Goes BB Field Report: Home Opener 2012

Shut up, it was fun. There's no way even this mostly craptastic play we've seen from the boys thus far can ruin the joy of the home opener. Everyone else on the planet is commenting on the catastrophe that is the 0-4 start so I'll focus on the TEN THINGS I LEARNED IN AND AROUND TARGET FIELD:

1. Corey Koskie was there.

And some other guys, too.

2. The iPhone 4S has a stalker setting.

3. There is only one place in TF to get the newly-added Surly = outside of 124. The line was the longest I've seen yet at Target Field ever. Just have a Summit.

4. I'm pretty sure I watched Jacque Jones and TC Bear have a 20 minute conversation. TC was nodding a lot. I am not kidding.

5. There are some new media packages between half innings, mostly all scoring thumbs up. I especially liked the new, yet actually old-fashioned, Target race thing. You know the one with Bullseye, the mosquito, Babe, and a fish -- ? I won't give it away because the surprise is fun.

The other good one: A real life DANCE OFF between fans from 3 different sections of the park, with an
applause-o-meter and everything. I don't know that it went over all that well, or people just didn't know
what happening, but I liked it. I'm hoping for a PANTS OFF DANCE OFF when it warms up.

6. I'll have to try the new food and report back later.  So It Goes Mom and I ate too much at Kieran's in our five hour pre-game warmup, plus the giant meatball sold out in the 6th.

7. The rueben at Kieran's is fabulous. So are the corndogs. And pretzels. And bloodies. And Big Gingers.

8. So It Goes Baseball Mom is maybe not paying attention:

SCENE
Joe Mauer coming to the plate for his third AB of the day.  T.I.'s "What You Know" plays. Announcer bellows: JOE MAUER! Fans cheer.

SIGBB Mom: Is this a new song?

CR stares blankly at SIGBB mom, cocks head as if considering the question might be sarcastic, in which case, hilarious.

SIGBB Mom: (Tone and earnest expression do not suggest sarcasm) Is it?

CR: Are you serious?

SIGBB Mom: I've never heard it.

CR: Are you serious?

SIGBB Mom: It must be new.

CR: It's the T.I. song he's had for... like... seven years.

SIGBB Mom: I don't think so.

CR: It. Is. Every at bat.

SIGBB Mom: Then how come I've never heard it?

CR's head explodes.  

End scene.

9. Corey Koskie.

10. The game was still a total blast, even with the loss. So It Goes Baseball Mom is still the best lady ever. Target Field is still awesome. Baseball is still fun, even at 0-4.

Go see the Twins.  Cheer for your boys. Have a Summit.

Ciao, buddies!

-cr.

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

I figured something out today.

See, I've had this irrational aversion to Jay Cutler and his face since the moment I saw him/it.

Wait, I know...

I do understand that he's not the most, uh, likeable cat in the club and plenty of sportsfans feel a similar disfavor, but still. I mean, I've been known upon suddenly seeing a Cutler close up to cringe right down to my toes, clench my teeth and, through said clenched teeth, yell STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

I never even know if I'm yelling at the camera man for the close up or the commentators for the lack of warning or my eyes for looking directly at it.

It's a bit of an extreme reaction. 

But.

Something clicked in my dreaming brain last night and I woke up thinking...

O. Ish.

And then,

I've got it.

Waaaah.

Poor fool never stood a chance.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

A Bold Prediction for 2012

Do you remember this Phillip Wellman meltdown from 2007? 



It's been a while since we've seen anything like this. Odds are, we're due. So, yes, I'm predicting we see an epic meltdown by the end of the 2012 season. Truly, there many potential candidates: Manny. Hamilton. The Beard. Papelbon. Tony Plush. Gardy. Does Milton Bradley still play?

But, for my money, it comes from one of these two places:

Miami.
Detroit.

Seriously.

The Fish are either going to be untouchable or a total train wreck -- I haven't decided what I think yet, but I'm leaning toward wreckage. There hasn't been as much 'dream team' buzz as there was when they were in the hunt for Pujols, which is good news for them. (We all know how dream teams end, right Philly fans?) But there is still a massive burden on them to win big and do it now.

Big off-season moves, a make-it-rain approach to the payroll, and a flashy new stadium with an aquarium back stop = big pressure. Add to this tension big egos and famously volatile personalities = big trouble. Ozzie and Hanley and Zambrano? There's just no way that can end well. Yes Ozzie handled one oversensitive, overgrown baby (cough,Pierzinski) quite well in his own fucking nutty way, but, I don't know... throw Zambrano into the mix and all bets are off. I see trouble, that's all I'm saying.

And then there's Detroit. Don't get me wrong, I like Detroit and I do not want them to implode. I do think they were insane to sign Fielder for nine years, but he is not at all from where I worry the meltdown might come. I mean, not Fielder himself. I imagine a Fielder meltdown ending in giggles and hugs. So, not Fielder himself, but definitely incited by bringing him there. I'll give you a hint: his name rhymes with Ciguel Mabrera. If there was an option in fantasy to pick most-likely-to-provide-the-youtube-mlb-moment-of-2012, I would take him #1.

Ciao, buddies.

-christine


p.s., They tested that bulletproof aquarium glass by having Gaby Sanchez throw balls at it. Fine, but how do you think it will hold up after Carlos Zambrano inevitably takes a bat to it?

p.s.s,

Is there something about playing for Ozzie Guillen that makes dudes dye their hair yellow? Bad. Boo.        

Meet Batting Stance Guy

Hey, do you guys know Batting Stance Guy?

I think I'm late to the party on this guy, but am now a big fan. I ran across him doing some research on an upcoming post on actors-as-baseball players (stay tuned), and just got sucked right in. As you can probably guess, he imitates batting stances (and more-- there's a lot of fun stuff on his site) of what seems like every ballplayer ever, including fictional ones.

He's (hot) not totally perfect, but does quite impressively capture the essence of each stance with both spot-on exaggerations of the tiniest movements and also perfect mirroring of the bigger flares, like bat tosses and twirls, hair flicking, or tongue stickingouting.

I can't even imagine how this skill (talent?) developed or how much baseball this guy has taken in in his life, but watching him has really made me think about batting stances in general. You get so used to seeing them that it's easy to forget the screwy idiosyncrasies each player brings to the plate -- every time.

Here's his take on some Twins players, past and present:



I know! It's funny because it's true. (I laughed out LOUD at Torii Hunter.)

Really though, I think something could be learned from this guy. Teams should hire him. I mean, how could anyone have let Greg Gagne bat that way? Anyway, he does every team just like this, several past and present. Click to his his website above and then sort by team.

Baseball!

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

p.s., the more I watch this, the more impressed I am, especially with the more subtle moves... Check out his posture on Joe Mauer. It makes me want look at Joe's lovely muffinbutt a little closer (you can take that anyway you want, it's probably true) to see if he's actually arching his back and sticking it out a bit and maybe it's not as gloriously muffiny as it seems. Total America's Next Top Model move, Joe. (Points to anyone who can name it.) I'm pretty sure the only effective way to test this is with my teeth.

   

Grapefruit League Action: Justin, Frankie and Danny

Hey, let's check in on three of the boys with the most spring training buzz. This will be fun.


Justin Morneau -- he's hitting the ball hard, he's moving well, he's skinny, and he's not really playing any first bast at all. Are we seeing his inevitable move to DH this early?

Francisco Liriano -- Frankie is really looking good thus far. But! What a good spring training means or doesn't mean when we're talking about such a stunningly inconsistent ballplayer, I do not know. Even if there was some statistical evidence directly forecasting his performance trend at spring training with that of the season to come (there is not such evidence that I am aware of, for any player), I doubt anyone would believe it. Because even when he is on fire, throwing his nastiest business and for several outings in a row, which he does often, it is impossible to wipe from the brain the too-familiar image of his big sweaty face when he's suddenly in one of those classic Liriano, five-run first innings. You know the face I mean.

Danny Valencia -- first, score one for Danny, the runner-up for "Mr. Manuary" on the MyTalk 107 January brackets. But! He did lose to a weather man, so maybe we don't score one for Danny.

Second, he's killing it right now. Again, spring training doesn't mean much, but it sounds like people are seeing a refreshingly different player out there, both in mechanics (especially defensively) and in attitude and effort, both elements u.g.l.y. last season. I'm really happy to hear this, maybe even more than you are.

See, I love me a hot third baseman. Hey. Girl.
And I believe a team with a hole at third (yes, absolutely including the offensive performance that is downright mandatory in the position) is doing it wrong. The flashes of real baseball chops we saw from 2010 Danny V gave me hope at third for the first time since poor, beautiful Corey Koskie. So, last season's badDanny, who sucked plus seemed to not give two shits that he sucked, drove me craaaaazy. Remember the valuable lesson from Mr. Manuary, Danny-- being hot is not enough. Step it up. Don't get beat by a weather guy.

Baseball!

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

  

Kind of Friday Night Lightsy

If, somehow, you were not yet excited as hell for 2012 baseball before -- watch this:



Then, if, somehow, you are still not excited as hell for baseball... then clearly your cat has been sitting on your chest while you sleep, sucking out your soul. Good luck to you.

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

*Video by Capture Studios, a Mpls based cinematography company that I had previously never heard of and now I want to shoot everything ever. http://vimeo.com/capturestudios


 

Blogging About Blogs: My Approach to the Madness

There are millions of sports blogs. Thousands just about baseball and many awesome Twins-talking blogs. I wish I had the time to read them all, but if I want any hope of getting anything done ever (like my own baseball blog... how meta, I know!), I try very hard to limit my blog intake to just these. Well, and Twitter and Bleacher Report and ESPN and the MLB network and Yardbarker... sigh.

Try these:

Fifty Rows Up by C Lee Tressel
This (sports in general) blogger is a friend, a wonderful writer and just as lovely of a person, and the best kind of sports writer : she knows it all without being a know-it-all. She can write about any and all sports, can translate the every day moments into a larger-picture significance that makes each post feel like a life lesson. She writes often, yet every post shows a keen thoughtfulness and craft that seems impossible to turn around so quickly... unless you know her, in which case you know that is just how her mind works.

Knuckleballs (Like Butterflies with Hiccups)
A Twins-centric, collective blog, hosted by three smarty-pants baseball fans, one of whom is my cousin ("capitalbabs"). Oddly enough, I haven't actually seen her in many years, but thanks to the faceplace and tweet machine and the blogging, I think we're nearly as connected as we were in my favorite memory of us, which is a blurry scene in my mind involving a tent in, I think, her front yard, a flashlight, and The Tell-Tale Heart. She read, I gasped. I don't think I got any sleep that night, wherever we were, but, hellsyeah, it was awesome.


Aaron Gleeman
A one-stop-shop go to for every happening in and around Twins Territory (and essentially every territory ever, from podcasts and TV and Jay-Z and recipes to Souhan and SABR and comedians and Kenny Powers. Gleeman also seems to be as fond of/appalled by Ozzie Guillen as I am, which is fun. BEWARE: The 'link-o-rama" will time-suck your life away.)

Babes Love Baseball
Witty chicks talking about baseball. Season preview poems, great pics, gossip, snark, perfect. Plus, via Babes, you can find a list of other lady baseball bloggers. Go, grrrls.

And then there is, of course, the late, great Bat-Girl blog -- my first blog obsession and still the best baseball blog ever. Ever! It's also the first, and hopefully only, blog about which the news of its closing actually made me cry. This blog, and it's author (whom I now very proudly know and get to spend time with in real life) is also responsible for one of the most embarrassing moments in my professional life when I LOUDLY Bieber-screamed upon finding out we were hiring her as a new faculty member. I just sputtered "bat girl? are you serious? BAT GIRL! shut up!" for five minutes until the dean told me I should maybe go take a walk.


I've missed dozens, I know. Please feel free to comment and share them-- if not for me, for others. Won't somebody please think of the children.

Ciao, buddies!
-christine

P.S.,  BATGIRL is on Twitter! Just as sassy and smart, only in limited characters. @twinsbatgirl
 
P.P.S. Glen Perkins is the funniest of the Twins who tweet, by the way. Perhaps an upcoming post with tweet faves...
 

SPRING FEVAH, A LIST, AND AN OWL

I've got a fevah! Okay, maybe it's not a fevah quite yet, but there is a stirring-- an itchy, tingly sensation in my lower, gut-feeling places, one that whispers up to my thinking and speaking parts: pssst, it's time for baseball. 

I'm sure Rick Santorum's sugardaddy would advise me to try aspirin for that itch, but I think it probably has more to do with little signs of spring -- longer, brighter days, the slight smell of mud in the air, Summit Maibock, Shamrock shakes, generally cheerier people.

o and, THIS:

Pitchers and catchers at Fort Myers, photo courtesy @LaVelleNeal. February 19, 2011)

I know ya'll know this and every sports writer/blogger/tweeter out there has it covered, so I'll just say this: HELL YEA! (My right hand is tyinping whilst my left is fist-pumpyining.)

I am excited and I am optimistic and, dear sportsfriends, so should be you. 

An aside, sort of: We won't be dwelling on last season here at So It Goes Baseball. I am not a dweller, in life, in love, and most definitely not in sports. With each season, we start anew. We can analyze stats and trends and make predictions all damn day, but we just don't know how it's going to go until it's underway; and even then, good and not so good, surprises abound.

That is the beauty of the sports season and part of what makes this shit so fun.

So, if you want dwelling and rehashing, you can find that plenty of other places. You are also out of luck if you want:

• derivative whining about Mauer not being exactly what you want him to be as a person
  Analysis of his performance is, of course, on the table, as well as that of his muffinbutt, sideburns, his need for tighter pants, his favorite milkshake flavor, what kind of tattoo he might secretly have and where,* etc.
  
  

• bitching about front office payroll decisions. This might be a relevant conversation for baseball fans, I just find it incredibly boring.
  
  
• pining away for traded players, specifically ones for whom the need for a trade or a straight out dumping was pretty obvious. I might say something like... I really miss Corey Koskie and wish his career wouldn't have been cut short the way it was. I won't say... look, Nick Punto got on base two games in a row, I sure wish we had him back.
  
  
• Jeremy Lin puns. 

And with all that, I present evidence that this season will be better:

(Um... think of this in an Athena in ancient Greece, owls are good luck kind of way and not in an ancient Celtic, owls are harbingers of death kind of way.)

Ciao, buddies!
-christine

_______________________________________________________

* A hammer of Thor on his left inner thigh.

  

This just in: Prince Fielder has agreed to a nine-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. That's right. Nine Years.

(Why use more, when two words will do.
Thank you, internet, for making me a better writer.)

That's all.

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.