OKAY, baseball. I will pay attention to you now.

Confession: I've been fooling around on baseball. I've fallen for football, a flashy hussy I've had a mild flirtation with for years. Did you know they do dances and pantomimes and sometimes leap right into the crowd when they do good things?

But now baseball is shaking its muffinbutt my way and enticing me with the intrigue that is Winter Meetings. And I'm totally falling for it.


MAKING IT RAIN IN MIAMI

The Marlins got a makeover, yo. They are really going for it, rebranding and spending huge with a new stadium, new manager  (¡Ozzie Guillen!) and new super studs like Jose Reyes, Mark Buerhle, and probably Prince Fielder.

And, of course, there's the new name. They are Miami, not all of Florida. They are sexy South Beach clubs and tan boobs and Lebron, not Floribama and NASCAR. So, suck on that, Jack McKeon.

No extreme team makeover would be complete without a new wardrobe (and new logo) just as no public event in Miami would be complete without a runway and Pitbull.



Muey caliente! What's that? Caliente doesn't mean painfully awkward? Never mind.


I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE, ANGELS

Look at those thunderstealers in Anaheim, nabbing the big catch Albert Pujols from grabby Miami. And from St. Louis, I suppose. 254 million for 10 years. I'm not even going to get into how crazy it is to give a 31 year old a 10 year deal or what a total bummer it is for St. Louis and stick to why I like this move:

Pujols belongs in the American League* for the rest of his career, for two very important reasons.

1. The existence of the designated hitter, and 2. So that we can see him more often, girl.
   
    * but not on the Yankees or Red Sox
    * and not on an AL central competitor team
    * and not in Oakland because I don't really see him in green

It sounds like the burning of the 5 jerseys has already commenced in St. Louis. Sad. Stay classy, Cardinals nation.


ON THE HOME FRONT 

The Twins are boring and/or predictable compared to fish and the angels so there isn't a whole lot to say-- Nathan is gone. Capps is still here. Slowey is gone. There's still buzzing around Cuddyer, but it's a dull buzz. The new shortstop Jamey Carroll kind of looks like Nelson Van Alden on Boardwalk Empire.

Ciao, buddies!
-cr


P.S., anyone watch Baseball Wives?