The Email That Started This Thing...

All the Important Stuff/Player Profile: CARL PAVANO


He has an interesting story, but a far more fascinating mustache. The "Pavstache", as it's lovingly referred to in twins territory, has taken on a life of its own, much like Brian Wilson's beard and Joe Mauer's sideburns. Oh, and his mustache has some of the more hilarious facebook posts out there.

Like this:

If you watched last night's game in HD, and you're ovulating, congratulations! You are now pregnant with Pavstache's baby! Please refer any questions about child support and midwifery to the Twins front office.

And this:

A tree just fell in the forest and Carl Pavano's Mustache heard it.

His story, in a nutshell: signed right out of HS for the Red Sox organization. Some great years with Florida, All Star, and then signed to the Yankees for a huge contract... there, it all fell apart. He started strong but was quickly struck with a nearly inexplicable string of injuries, including a car accident and an infamous butt injury, which later turned out to be a legit back strain thing, but nonetheless provided hilarity for the haters.

Yankees nation, as they do, quickly turned on him and basically ate him alive. It was a terrible downward spiral for him, to which he added plenty himself by doing nothing to change the perception that he was lazy and just not into it. And there was also an embarrassing public breakup with a swimsuit model (who went on to soar to great heights through Maxim and the Bachelor) and Alyssa Milano fits in there somewhere. Carl was very loudly booed off the mound several times and eventually, right out of new york. By all accounts, he left the yanks a shell of his former self and most people inside baseball counted him out for good.

His resurgence with the twins has been kind of lovely to watch, especially for those (like me) who think he got kind of got a raw deal in New York. It's fun how much he loves it here; how grateful he is to the Twins for allowing him to rejuvenate his -- his words -- "decimated" career.

Now, and most importantly:

On the Twins hottie meter, Pavano ranks quite high, right up there with Mauer and Morneau. Aside from just being incredibly attractive with the Superman jawline and baby blues, he's a strapping 6' 5", 250 hulk of a man. This is hot. He rocks the quiet in tensity thing, not to mention the confidence and humor it takes to pull off that mustache. When he's locked in and no-nonsense on the mound he's just super sexy.


As Mauer and Morneau are heartthrobs with all the ladies, but especially the younger twins fans, Pavano is more of a hit with the older ladies (he's a ripe old 34 himself). I've overheard more dirty things said about Pavano than any other twins player except maybe Michael Cuddyer, who's devilish, dimpled grin is total cougar bait.

Real story: One game I was watching last season, the camera inadvertently caught him in the dugout, mid-putting his pants back on (from an innocent little bathroom break or something), tucking in his shirt, zipping up his pants... yeah, I started clapping. And when my phone rang seconds later, I knew it was my mother making sure I had caught that.

Plus, he pitches a lot of complete games, which adds to his hotness.

Carl Pavano, everybody.
Oh and he also has a funny big butt.