The Art of Writing. Er... Blogging

Yeah, I know.  I'm sorry.

I think I'm having some kind of strange blog fatigue thing and it's all my fault. It has to do with social media + sports punditry overload, as well as a crazy-business + a general exhaustion of being a Twins fan these days... but I'm not blaming anyone but myself.

Lately, every time I've sat myself down to write something I've had this feeling that it's all been said, tweeted, posted, sound-bite(ed) to death already.

I seem to have forgotten how this blog thing works and, actually, how writing works, which is like this : that I have my own, unique perspective because I am me, not you, not Phil Mackey, not La Velle E. Neal, not TwitterFace33. And what I write because it occurs to me (thank you William Stafford) might just be something you've never heard before or that makes you think or that makes you mad or that moves you.

So, I'm considering this post as a writing exercise of sorts, a reset to remember what it is I do here.

So there.


OK, here we go!
Here are five random thoughts on the Twins right now:

• I'm really surprised that base-running genius, all around little cutie-pie, Mastroianni's first name is Darin. Really? Darin?

• I still call Justin Morneau "Porno." When he first came up we all called him 'more-NO' (remember?), which I remembered by thinking 'like bordeaux.' Then he corrected us and we were all embarrassed and my new trick became 'like porno.'  I guess it stuck.

• It turns out I have no opinion on the Liriano trade. I just don't really care (who knew?).

• It would be awesome if the Twins had a dugout cat. Maybe a grouchy looking persian named TK who just paces and looks disappointed for no reason. 

• It will be incredibly sad when Denard Span is no longer a Twin, which I'm guessing will happen in the offseason. What a great player; what a great guy. 

Thanks, buddies. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts (especially on dugout cat).
-christine

Bad Apples: How the Number 23 is Ruined for Me Forever

I don't know about you, but I cringed a little when I heard Mauer would be the lonely Twins cowboy saddling up for Kansas City next week. And not because I don't think he deserves to be there -- not for a  hot second.  No, I cringed because, before I could even finish reading the tweet, I could already hear the haters getting their hate on. 

And hate on they did. It was predictable and silly, and also nicely handled in this Twins Daily piece that I totally agree with and will let (along with all kinds of other more recent articles, finally!) provide all of the statistical analysis needed to prove the very no shit! point that hating on Mauer this season is so ridic ridiculous that I'm totes going to use the whole word.

But I still find myself with something to say. 

All of this Mauer hating this season has been just mind-boggling to me. And very sad. I'm embarrassed -- not so much about the tweets or the derivative, simplistic local columns that shaped the narrative in 2011 (sports guy writes it, blogger tweets it, 10 more retweet that and the next thing you know "everyone thinks it" and then somehow everyone thinks it. and so on.) that has somehow carried over to 2012 -- because that is just sort of how it goes these days. It's the Twins fans booing him at Target Field that I just cannot abide. 

Damn, really? That guy with the backwards hat and the popped collars is booing me? He's wearing loafers. Loafers!

First of all ... why? 

If you think Mauer is the problem this season, so much that you need to actually boo your own guy at home, you are just awful at being a baseball fan and you should probably either try to pay closer attention or maybe this just isn't the sport for you.


Second of all ... why? 

When did we start doing this, anyway? When did we turn into dick fans like this? Our own hometown boy, four time all-star, three time batting champion, AL MVP catcher has one bad season and we just turn on him? It's hard to even believe. It really is. I've always been proud to be a Twins fan; I've brought other people to the game on a promise that Twins fans are great, loyal, smart fans. (And I do know it's getting better and that, for the most part, we are still great, loyal and smart fans... it's that whole a few bad apples ruining the bushel thing happening here. I just think these apples really suck.)

Everything comes back to that damn 23 million. I've mentioned before that I am not a fan of conversations about players' salaries -- all of this shit is precisely why. I wish all of the numbers just stayed in the front office. 

It creeps me out to hear people sit around and discuss a person's worth -- like we, as spectators, can somehow determine that. Every move Mauer makes, on and off the field, is held up against this number in a game where those numbers are all so overblown and insane that focusing on any one, or twenty three, of them only leads to these small, jealous apples who you think that they can actually say, half a season into the second year of a guy's 8 year contract, if he is "worth it." Gross.

So, yeah, enough of that. I know I'll be cheering on Mauer with all my might next Tuesday. He might be our only guy, but he's our guy. So there.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine
     

The Question on Everyone's Lips Is: What is the Deal With all These No Nos? Here Is an Excellent Take on That, by Jayson Stark

FULL  STORY

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

BSG does Bryce Harper

Perfection.


 
What, no mention of Harper's own name + bible verse tattoo on his torso in terrible Ed Hardy font? Missed opportunity, BSG.             

Did you know my power comes from my ears?

Watching young Bryce Harper and Steven Strasberg go at it the way they have been for the Nationals has been a highlight of the season so far for me. The Nationals (and the previously mentioned Orioles) in general have been a blast to follow in 2012. If you aren't checking in on these hot young teams a bit, you should.

So, yes, Bryce Harper is an insanely talented kid -- all muscle and passion and hustle and ego. He's a jolt of raw energy that doesn't come along all that often in Major League Baseball that I think is kind of fun as long as it is backed. Up. And so far, so very, very good.


Ciao, buddies!
-christine

I love this.

more funny charts like this, including 'people who are still watching Twins games' ...

All three of these pie parts are funny and true, but that white space one is especially hilarious to me as I am embarrassingly guilty of this.  In fact, last week I met a lady from Baltimore and the conversation went like this:

     CR: Where are you from?

     Lady: Baltimore.

     CR: Stringer Bell.

     Lady: Yeah.

Yep, I did. I just blurted out Stringer Bell. And she just said yeah, like either that happens all the time or she thought I had tourettes. Either way,  GO, ORIOLES, GO ! 

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

p.s., Did you see Drew Butera pitch on Sunday?  For someone who hasn't pitched since high school, that was not half bad.

The Good, The Not Quite There Yet, and The Bad, Take 2

I know. I've been a bad blogger lately-- no new posts in nearly a month. But, to be fair, it's been a really busy month. For me, I mean. For the Twins it's mostly just been more of the same. So, I'll skip the recapping and instead do a quick (sorry, still really busy over herrre) version of feature: the good, the not quite there yet, and the ugly.

THE GOOD

The Twins are making moves. Valencia is down, Liriano is in the bullpen, Clete Thomas is already gone, some other guys I've never really heard of are doing things. I think the roster shake ups are good for the Twins right now. Hey, at least we're trying something-- and a couple of the moves are looking good so far. I'm talking to you Scott Diamond and Brian Dozier.

Other good:

Matt Capps is acting like a real MLB closer.

Jamey Carroll's glorious trucker 'stache he rocked for awhile. (Bring that shit back, Jamey with a y. It makes your face look much less young Dafoe-ish.)

MY, NACHO, BALLS.

THE NOT QUITE THERE YET

The Valenti's mega stuffed meatball = one of the most popular new culinary kids on the block at Target Field. SIG Baseball mom and I split one and we liked it. But just liked it.

The meat has some nice flavors and the sauce is tangy, but the mozz it is "stuffed" with is mostly nonexistent and flavorless. I'd rather see it stuffed with ricotta or not stuffed at all. It was also a little dry and could use some fresh herbs in a bad way.
I think I'd rather have it as a hoagie with melted cheese on top.  Yes, I would definitely rather have that hoagie style.

Also, come on -- a big Italian meatball? That's pretty uninspired if you ask me. And you should ask me; I am seriously into meatballs. Buffalo chicken balls, nacho balls, goat balls stuffed with olives stuffed with ginger, sweet balls, butter balls, turkey and dressing balls in cranberry mushroom sauce, brat balls... this kind of thing is the future the now of meatballs.

Work on your balls, guys.

THE UGLY

Dear Trevor,

You cannot face King Felix, or anyone else for that matter, with a curly Tom Brady bob and expect him, or anyone else for that matter, to take you seriously as a person.

Thank you.

p.s., There also might be a few little issues with your offense. And your defense. Oh, yeah, and your hair.

 
BREAKING NEWS: Plouffe cut off his curls for Locks of Love, tweeting:

"Donating in honor of my mother, Diane," Plouffe (@TPlouffe24) tweeted. "She's a Breast cancer survivor who lost her hair during the chemo. Love her!"

So. I'm a dick. 

Now I'm not even in the mood to say other mean things about Plouffe or tell you how the awesome Larry Sutin called him "The Plouffinator" and I laughed for a week. Well played, Plouffe. 

Well, woopsie, I guess this post isn't so short after all. Who knew I had so to say about meatballs (besides anyone who has ever met me).

Ciao, buddies!

-cr.

p.s., This is so insanely, adorably baseball-nerdy I can hardly stand it. And, honestly, if I didn't believe that Rivera will indeed come back next season, it would probably make me weep.

Happy Birthday, Joe Mauer

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

New Player Profile: Josh Willingham

aka: 'Hammer'

(Or is it THE Hammer? I really am asking-- anyone know? And, yes, it matters.)

He automatically scores points for an great nickname. I hope to chant HAM-MER! HAM-MER! HAM-MER! at some point this season.

He also might have an awesome walk up song, 'Your Love' by the Outfield (you know the one: I just want to use your love tonight/I don't want to lose your love tonight). If he uses it because it's by The Outfield and he plays in the outfield -- not awesome. If he just thinks the song (from 1986) is rad and it fires him up -- yes awesome.  So let's meet him:

Where did he come from?

Alabama. Drafted by the Marlins in 2004, as a middle infielder. Made the move to left soon after. Some injury issues. Traded to Nationals in 2008; in 2009, hit two grand slams in one game, back to back innings. Traded to the A's in 2010. The Twins have him signed for 3 years.

Nutshell: He is essentially the replacement for Cuddyer; similar by the numbers, batting order, paycheck. He is strong and has more power than Cuddy. Similar speed. Less of an arm. But, seriously, he is strong.

How is he doing so far as a Twin?

He is ripping. shit. up. He was just named the AL Player of the Week. Right now, he is #2 on the MLB leader board for batting average, tied with Josh Hamilton atop the AL leader board for homeruns, and now he has just done something that has previously seemed impossible (besides actually hitting home runs in Target Field) -- check out tonight's lineup v. Yankees:

1. Denard Span, CF
2. Jamey Carroll, SS
3. Joe Mauer, DH
4. Josh Willingham, LF
5. Justin Morneau, 1B
6. Ryan Doumit, C
7. Danny Valencia, 3B
8. Clete Thomas, RF
9. Alexi Casilla, 2B

You see what I'm seeing? Pretty wild.

He has been a beast, indeed -- offensively.

I think he looks like a goofball in left field, but he's killing it so at the plate that we can maybe agree to let that slide, at least for this first bit.

A quick digression: I say maybe because I'm not actually willing to let it slide -- I'll never fully get behind a player that is only good--even if he is really good--on one side, offense or defense. Unless he is, of course, the DH who gets a defensive pass by definition, or the backup catcher, who gets an offensive pass from me as well. If a backup catcher can come in and call a good game and play solid defense, that is a job well enough done for me. If they happen to be able to hit, that is great. (Whatever crazy ass thing Gardy is trying to pull off with our backup catcher Doumit playing in the revolving right field and not on reserve as the very important job of backup catcher is beyond me-- I'm not a fan.)

Digressing further: This is the heart of my famous, uh... impatience with ol' Nick Punto (remember him?) Defensively he was great, I know. But the shit he pulled at the plate with the consistently .180 batting average, the popped up bunts, the fall-down-swing-through strikeouts -- and then the sliding into first, the running through stop signs and the all around base-running tragedies... all of this, I could not abide. I'm not meaning to just pick on Punto, rather speak to my point about much I value an all-around game. It's big one for me. But, tons of Twins fans still loved the guy. So there.

OK, back on topic and on to the most important question of them all: where does Hammer rank on the So It Goes Baseball Hottie Meter?

He's cute. A little too corn-fed, country boy pure for my taste, but he is quite cute and certainly will find his audience. I don't think he'll replace Dimples on the hottie meter as well as in the lineup, but I will say, he moves UP the meter fast when he's he's fired up and a little tousled.

rawr.

Josh Willingham, everybody.

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

p.s., I know, it's an ugly start, again. And, we keep up this rough schedule for most of April. It is still early -- let's not forget that -- but, yeah, this is painful. It got a little uglier yesterday seeing Perkins blow it like that. Yikes. But... there are a few things to be excited about, and Willingham is one of them.

p.s.s., Vinny Malone, if I haven't already told you this, Hammer is your Twins boyfriend. It is done.

That Was a Nice Win Today, and Three Other Things

1. In today's edition of YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT:

How to respond to boo birds


2. Check out THE HAMMER on the MLB leader board:

And how much do you love the nickname THE HAMMER ??

3. Jeff Gray has thrown 3 pitches over the last 2 Twins wins and is 2-0. So there.


Ciao, buddies!
-cr.

p.s., I'm feeling really CAPPS LOCKY today. Sorry.

So It Goes BB Field Report: Home Opener 2012

Shut up, it was fun. There's no way even this mostly craptastic play we've seen from the boys thus far can ruin the joy of the home opener. Everyone else on the planet is commenting on the catastrophe that is the 0-4 start so I'll focus on the TEN THINGS I LEARNED IN AND AROUND TARGET FIELD:

1. Corey Koskie was there.

And some other guys, too.

2. The iPhone 4S has a stalker setting.

3. There is only one place in TF to get the newly-added Surly = outside of 124. The line was the longest I've seen yet at Target Field ever. Just have a Summit.

4. I'm pretty sure I watched Jacque Jones and TC Bear have a 20 minute conversation. TC was nodding a lot. I am not kidding.

5. There are some new media packages between half innings, mostly all scoring thumbs up. I especially liked the new, yet actually old-fashioned, Target race thing. You know the one with Bullseye, the mosquito, Babe, and a fish -- ? I won't give it away because the surprise is fun.

The other good one: A real life DANCE OFF between fans from 3 different sections of the park, with an
applause-o-meter and everything. I don't know that it went over all that well, or people just didn't know
what happening, but I liked it. I'm hoping for a PANTS OFF DANCE OFF when it warms up.

6. I'll have to try the new food and report back later.  So It Goes Mom and I ate too much at Kieran's in our five hour pre-game warmup, plus the giant meatball sold out in the 6th.

7. The rueben at Kieran's is fabulous. So are the corndogs. And pretzels. And bloodies. And Big Gingers.

8. So It Goes Baseball Mom is maybe not paying attention:

SCENE
Joe Mauer coming to the plate for his third AB of the day.  T.I.'s "What You Know" plays. Announcer bellows: JOE MAUER! Fans cheer.

SIGBB Mom: Is this a new song?

CR stares blankly at SIGBB mom, cocks head as if considering the question might be sarcastic, in which case, hilarious.

SIGBB Mom: (Tone and earnest expression do not suggest sarcasm) Is it?

CR: Are you serious?

SIGBB Mom: I've never heard it.

CR: Are you serious?

SIGBB Mom: It must be new.

CR: It's the T.I. song he's had for... like... seven years.

SIGBB Mom: I don't think so.

CR: It. Is. Every at bat.

SIGBB Mom: Then how come I've never heard it?

CR's head explodes.  

End scene.

9. Corey Koskie.

10. The game was still a total blast, even with the loss. So It Goes Baseball Mom is still the best lady ever. Target Field is still awesome. Baseball is still fun, even at 0-4.

Go see the Twins.  Cheer for your boys. Have a Summit.

Ciao, buddies!

-cr.