The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

I figured something out today.

See, I've had this irrational aversion to Jay Cutler and his face since the moment I saw him/it.

Wait, I know...

I do understand that he's not the most, uh, likeable cat in the club and plenty of sportsfans feel a similar disfavor, but still. I mean, I've been known upon suddenly seeing a Cutler close up to cringe right down to my toes, clench my teeth and, through said clenched teeth, yell STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

I never even know if I'm yelling at the camera man for the close up or the commentators for the lack of warning or my eyes for looking directly at it.

It's a bit of an extreme reaction. 

But.

Something clicked in my dreaming brain last night and I woke up thinking...

O. Ish.

And then,

I've got it.

Waaaah.

Poor fool never stood a chance.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

A Bold Prediction for 2012

Do you remember this Phillip Wellman meltdown from 2007? 



It's been a while since we've seen anything like this. Odds are, we're due. So, yes, I'm predicting we see an epic meltdown by the end of the 2012 season. Truly, there many potential candidates: Manny. Hamilton. The Beard. Papelbon. Tony Plush. Gardy. Does Milton Bradley still play?

But, for my money, it comes from one of these two places:

Miami.
Detroit.

Seriously.

The Fish are either going to be untouchable or a total train wreck -- I haven't decided what I think yet, but I'm leaning toward wreckage. There hasn't been as much 'dream team' buzz as there was when they were in the hunt for Pujols, which is good news for them. (We all know how dream teams end, right Philly fans?) But there is still a massive burden on them to win big and do it now.

Big off-season moves, a make-it-rain approach to the payroll, and a flashy new stadium with an aquarium back stop = big pressure. Add to this tension big egos and famously volatile personalities = big trouble. Ozzie and Hanley and Zambrano? There's just no way that can end well. Yes Ozzie handled one oversensitive, overgrown baby (cough,Pierzinski) quite well in his own fucking nutty way, but, I don't know... throw Zambrano into the mix and all bets are off. I see trouble, that's all I'm saying.

And then there's Detroit. Don't get me wrong, I like Detroit and I do not want them to implode. I do think they were insane to sign Fielder for nine years, but he is not at all from where I worry the meltdown might come. I mean, not Fielder himself. I imagine a Fielder meltdown ending in giggles and hugs. So, not Fielder himself, but definitely incited by bringing him there. I'll give you a hint: his name rhymes with Ciguel Mabrera. If there was an option in fantasy to pick most-likely-to-provide-the-youtube-mlb-moment-of-2012, I would take him #1.

Ciao, buddies.

-christine


p.s., They tested that bulletproof aquarium glass by having Gaby Sanchez throw balls at it. Fine, but how do you think it will hold up after Carlos Zambrano inevitably takes a bat to it?

p.s.s,

Is there something about playing for Ozzie Guillen that makes dudes dye their hair yellow? Bad. Boo.        

Meet Batting Stance Guy

Hey, do you guys know Batting Stance Guy?

I think I'm late to the party on this guy, but am now a big fan. I ran across him doing some research on an upcoming post on actors-as-baseball players (stay tuned), and just got sucked right in. As you can probably guess, he imitates batting stances (and more-- there's a lot of fun stuff on his site) of what seems like every ballplayer ever, including fictional ones.

He's (hot) not totally perfect, but does quite impressively capture the essence of each stance with both spot-on exaggerations of the tiniest movements and also perfect mirroring of the bigger flares, like bat tosses and twirls, hair flicking, or tongue stickingouting.

I can't even imagine how this skill (talent?) developed or how much baseball this guy has taken in in his life, but watching him has really made me think about batting stances in general. You get so used to seeing them that it's easy to forget the screwy idiosyncrasies each player brings to the plate -- every time.

Here's his take on some Twins players, past and present:



I know! It's funny because it's true. (I laughed out LOUD at Torii Hunter.)

Really though, I think something could be learned from this guy. Teams should hire him. I mean, how could anyone have let Greg Gagne bat that way? Anyway, he does every team just like this, several past and present. Click to his his website above and then sort by team.

Baseball!

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

p.s., the more I watch this, the more impressed I am, especially with the more subtle moves... Check out his posture on Joe Mauer. It makes me want look at Joe's lovely muffinbutt a little closer (you can take that anyway you want, it's probably true) to see if he's actually arching his back and sticking it out a bit and maybe it's not as gloriously muffiny as it seems. Total America's Next Top Model move, Joe. (Points to anyone who can name it.) I'm pretty sure the only effective way to test this is with my teeth.

   

Grapefruit League Action: Justin, Frankie and Danny

Hey, let's check in on three of the boys with the most spring training buzz. This will be fun.


Justin Morneau -- he's hitting the ball hard, he's moving well, he's skinny, and he's not really playing any first bast at all. Are we seeing his inevitable move to DH this early?

Francisco Liriano -- Frankie is really looking good thus far. But! What a good spring training means or doesn't mean when we're talking about such a stunningly inconsistent ballplayer, I do not know. Even if there was some statistical evidence directly forecasting his performance trend at spring training with that of the season to come (there is not such evidence that I am aware of, for any player), I doubt anyone would believe it. Because even when he is on fire, throwing his nastiest business and for several outings in a row, which he does often, it is impossible to wipe from the brain the too-familiar image of his big sweaty face when he's suddenly in one of those classic Liriano, five-run first innings. You know the face I mean.

Danny Valencia -- first, score one for Danny, the runner-up for "Mr. Manuary" on the MyTalk 107 January brackets. But! He did lose to a weather man, so maybe we don't score one for Danny.

Second, he's killing it right now. Again, spring training doesn't mean much, but it sounds like people are seeing a refreshingly different player out there, both in mechanics (especially defensively) and in attitude and effort, both elements u.g.l.y. last season. I'm really happy to hear this, maybe even more than you are.

See, I love me a hot third baseman. Hey. Girl.
And I believe a team with a hole at third (yes, absolutely including the offensive performance that is downright mandatory in the position) is doing it wrong. The flashes of real baseball chops we saw from 2010 Danny V gave me hope at third for the first time since poor, beautiful Corey Koskie. So, last season's badDanny, who sucked plus seemed to not give two shits that he sucked, drove me craaaaazy. Remember the valuable lesson from Mr. Manuary, Danny-- being hot is not enough. Step it up. Don't get beat by a weather guy.

Baseball!

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

  

Kind of Friday Night Lightsy

If, somehow, you were not yet excited as hell for 2012 baseball before -- watch this:



Then, if, somehow, you are still not excited as hell for baseball... then clearly your cat has been sitting on your chest while you sleep, sucking out your soul. Good luck to you.

Ciao, buddies.
-cr.

*Video by Capture Studios, a Mpls based cinematography company that I had previously never heard of and now I want to shoot everything ever. http://vimeo.com/capturestudios


 

Blogging About Blogs: My Approach to the Madness

There are millions of sports blogs. Thousands just about baseball and many awesome Twins-talking blogs. I wish I had the time to read them all, but if I want any hope of getting anything done ever (like my own baseball blog... how meta, I know!), I try very hard to limit my blog intake to just these. Well, and Twitter and Bleacher Report and ESPN and the MLB network and Yardbarker... sigh.

Try these:

Fifty Rows Up by C Lee Tressel
This (sports in general) blogger is a friend, a wonderful writer and just as lovely of a person, and the best kind of sports writer : she knows it all without being a know-it-all. She can write about any and all sports, can translate the every day moments into a larger-picture significance that makes each post feel like a life lesson. She writes often, yet every post shows a keen thoughtfulness and craft that seems impossible to turn around so quickly... unless you know her, in which case you know that is just how her mind works.

Knuckleballs (Like Butterflies with Hiccups)
A Twins-centric, collective blog, hosted by three smarty-pants baseball fans, one of whom is my cousin ("capitalbabs"). Oddly enough, I haven't actually seen her in many years, but thanks to the faceplace and tweet machine and the blogging, I think we're nearly as connected as we were in my favorite memory of us, which is a blurry scene in my mind involving a tent in, I think, her front yard, a flashlight, and The Tell-Tale Heart. She read, I gasped. I don't think I got any sleep that night, wherever we were, but, hellsyeah, it was awesome.


Aaron Gleeman
A one-stop-shop go to for every happening in and around Twins Territory (and essentially every territory ever, from podcasts and TV and Jay-Z and recipes to Souhan and SABR and comedians and Kenny Powers. Gleeman also seems to be as fond of/appalled by Ozzie Guillen as I am, which is fun. BEWARE: The 'link-o-rama" will time-suck your life away.)

Babes Love Baseball
Witty chicks talking about baseball. Season preview poems, great pics, gossip, snark, perfect. Plus, via Babes, you can find a list of other lady baseball bloggers. Go, grrrls.

And then there is, of course, the late, great Bat-Girl blog -- my first blog obsession and still the best baseball blog ever. Ever! It's also the first, and hopefully only, blog about which the news of its closing actually made me cry. This blog, and it's author (whom I now very proudly know and get to spend time with in real life) is also responsible for one of the most embarrassing moments in my professional life when I LOUDLY Bieber-screamed upon finding out we were hiring her as a new faculty member. I just sputtered "bat girl? are you serious? BAT GIRL! shut up!" for five minutes until the dean told me I should maybe go take a walk.


I've missed dozens, I know. Please feel free to comment and share them-- if not for me, for others. Won't somebody please think of the children.

Ciao, buddies!
-christine

P.S.,  BATGIRL is on Twitter! Just as sassy and smart, only in limited characters. @twinsbatgirl
 
P.P.S. Glen Perkins is the funniest of the Twins who tweet, by the way. Perhaps an upcoming post with tweet faves...
 

SPRING FEVAH, A LIST, AND AN OWL

I've got a fevah! Okay, maybe it's not a fevah quite yet, but there is a stirring-- an itchy, tingly sensation in my lower, gut-feeling places, one that whispers up to my thinking and speaking parts: pssst, it's time for baseball. 

I'm sure Rick Santorum's sugardaddy would advise me to try aspirin for that itch, but I think it probably has more to do with little signs of spring -- longer, brighter days, the slight smell of mud in the air, Summit Maibock, Shamrock shakes, generally cheerier people.

o and, THIS:

Pitchers and catchers at Fort Myers, photo courtesy @LaVelleNeal. February 19, 2011)

I know ya'll know this and every sports writer/blogger/tweeter out there has it covered, so I'll just say this: HELL YEA! (My right hand is tyinping whilst my left is fist-pumpyining.)

I am excited and I am optimistic and, dear sportsfriends, so should be you. 

An aside, sort of: We won't be dwelling on last season here at So It Goes Baseball. I am not a dweller, in life, in love, and most definitely not in sports. With each season, we start anew. We can analyze stats and trends and make predictions all damn day, but we just don't know how it's going to go until it's underway; and even then, good and not so good, surprises abound.

That is the beauty of the sports season and part of what makes this shit so fun.

So, if you want dwelling and rehashing, you can find that plenty of other places. You are also out of luck if you want:

• derivative whining about Mauer not being exactly what you want him to be as a person
  Analysis of his performance is, of course, on the table, as well as that of his muffinbutt, sideburns, his need for tighter pants, his favorite milkshake flavor, what kind of tattoo he might secretly have and where,* etc.
  
  

• bitching about front office payroll decisions. This might be a relevant conversation for baseball fans, I just find it incredibly boring.
  
  
• pining away for traded players, specifically ones for whom the need for a trade or a straight out dumping was pretty obvious. I might say something like... I really miss Corey Koskie and wish his career wouldn't have been cut short the way it was. I won't say... look, Nick Punto got on base two games in a row, I sure wish we had him back.
  
  
• Jeremy Lin puns. 

And with all that, I present evidence that this season will be better:

(Um... think of this in an Athena in ancient Greece, owls are good luck kind of way and not in an ancient Celtic, owls are harbingers of death kind of way.)

Ciao, buddies!
-christine

_______________________________________________________

* A hammer of Thor on his left inner thigh.

  

This just in: Prince Fielder has agreed to a nine-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. That's right. Nine Years.

(Why use more, when two words will do.
Thank you, internet, for making me a better writer.)

That's all.

Ciao, buddies.

-cr.

    

The deal is done. Dimples is gone.

Am I bad person if I am not sad about this?

Every longtime Twins fan will miss Cuddyer in a certain way-- as a great guy, the face of the team, a leader, a workhorse. I will miss all of that, too. Plus, ah, those dimples. But, as great as all of that is, it doesn't translate into production and that is why we're all at this show, isn't it?

In the interest of my genuine best wishes for Cuddy in Colorado, I won't go into the many ways he has been as infuriating as heroic in the last few years and focus on why this really is a good move for the Twins and, I'd venture a guess, for Michael and his little Cuddy family, too. To say that he seemed firmly over it by the end of the season is not to lie.

So we swap out for Josh Willingham -- by the numbers and age, pretty much 1 : 1 for Cuddy with a bit more power, less grounding into DPs, and high numbers on "isolated power," whatever that is. Although pretty cute, Willingham appears dimpleless, too bad. But with him we save a little pile of money (which I'm assuming has a big "for pitching" sticky note on it) and pick up 2 draft picks. Seems pretty win-win from all angles.

What do you think? Am I underestimating the importance of his solid leadership?

And, who is it that will step up and into the role? Obviously, it should be Mauer, but we know by now that, for whatever reasons, he seems utterly unable to embrace himself as the face of the team. Morneau? That would make my day as I cannot get enough of that goofy little grin he sports when speaks. Span, maybe?

So, best of luck Cuddy. For real, yo.

Ciao, buddies.
-christine

 

OKAY, baseball. I will pay attention to you now.

Confession: I've been fooling around on baseball. I've fallen for football, a flashy hussy I've had a mild flirtation with for years. Did you know they do dances and pantomimes and sometimes leap right into the crowd when they do good things?

But now baseball is shaking its muffinbutt my way and enticing me with the intrigue that is Winter Meetings. And I'm totally falling for it.


MAKING IT RAIN IN MIAMI

The Marlins got a makeover, yo. They are really going for it, rebranding and spending huge with a new stadium, new manager  (¡Ozzie Guillen!) and new super studs like Jose Reyes, Mark Buerhle, and probably Prince Fielder.

And, of course, there's the new name. They are Miami, not all of Florida. They are sexy South Beach clubs and tan boobs and Lebron, not Floribama and NASCAR. So, suck on that, Jack McKeon.

No extreme team makeover would be complete without a new wardrobe (and new logo) just as no public event in Miami would be complete without a runway and Pitbull.



Muey caliente! What's that? Caliente doesn't mean painfully awkward? Never mind.


I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE, ANGELS

Look at those thunderstealers in Anaheim, nabbing the big catch Albert Pujols from grabby Miami. And from St. Louis, I suppose. 254 million for 10 years. I'm not even going to get into how crazy it is to give a 31 year old a 10 year deal or what a total bummer it is for St. Louis and stick to why I like this move:

Pujols belongs in the American League* for the rest of his career, for two very important reasons.

1. The existence of the designated hitter, and 2. So that we can see him more often, girl.
   
    * but not on the Yankees or Red Sox
    * and not on an AL central competitor team
    * and not in Oakland because I don't really see him in green

It sounds like the burning of the 5 jerseys has already commenced in St. Louis. Sad. Stay classy, Cardinals nation.


ON THE HOME FRONT 

The Twins are boring and/or predictable compared to fish and the angels so there isn't a whole lot to say-- Nathan is gone. Capps is still here. Slowey is gone. There's still buzzing around Cuddyer, but it's a dull buzz. The new shortstop Jamey Carroll kind of looks like Nelson Van Alden on Boardwalk Empire.

Ciao, buddies!
-cr


P.S., anyone watch Baseball Wives?